He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
