Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
