Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
