whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
