Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
