Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
