can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
