Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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