Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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