My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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