i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
