We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
