She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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