1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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