Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
