they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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