I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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