Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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