i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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