Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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