she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
