Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Actions speak louder than pants.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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