I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
