I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
