She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My feet surprised me
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
