yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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