Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Semen is not good for contacts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
