Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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