Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
