You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
