did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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