I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
