Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
