i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I want to fling myself into the sun
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
