i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
