you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Randomize