So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When are your genitals available?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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