So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
