I met the friendliest cop last night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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