I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
