Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
