I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
