Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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