life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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