I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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