you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
