So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
