I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
