Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
