I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
