I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
