sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
