if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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