Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
