you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm always down for nudity.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
