pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this will be a night to untag.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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