In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
