Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
