she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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