no, he came in my armpit
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
