her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize